Morning Blues


I’ve worked freelance for about 20 years and am going through quite a big period of transformation and change. I currently don’t have any work, have lost all drive and interest in what I was doing and I’m not sure what to do next. I’m not in a relationship and am also in the middle of an impulsive decision to buy a new house without having sold the one I’m in. And the rate my savings are draining away is giving me vertigo! There are so many things going on around this mid-life crisis that I need to work through, but for a while, every morning when I woke-up I would feel down and depressed. I’d look into the day ahead and it would be an empty flat blank. I was totally stuck, would struggle to get out of bed and just didn’t know how to take the next step. Every day I’d force myself out of bed and battle on.

I learned how to resolve emotions with Tipi a few years ago and even trained to accompany others, but I would be so absorbed by this feeling of depression in the morning that it took me a while to realise that I could resolve it that way, especially since one of the main sensations is feeling nothing at all – being all numb and blank. That’s how I’d wake up. It was difficult to step back, look at the big picture, and observe it more objectively.

Anyway, at the end of one day, before I went to bed, I said to myself – “If you wake up with that feeling in the morning again, go into your body” and when I woke up the next day, it was there. It took me a few minutes to be aware of it, but as soon as I realized, I looked for physical sensations in my body. It was still a bit sleepy and floaty, and there was that general feeling of ‘nothing’ and emptiness. In an instant, it transformed into much clearer and really strong sensations, pressure on my chest and tension in my whole body, but it quickly passed. Then without a second’s thought, I jumped out of bed and put some music on. It was the first time I’d wanted to listen to music for ages!

It was only after a few days that I realized I had leapt out of bed every day that week with a new zest for life. I’m still working through this difficult period, but waking up in the morning, and looking forward to the day ahead and being excited about what it will bring is the first step.