My name is Claudette, and this is my story.
I lost my husband a year before the turn of the century, and I’ve been depressed through the two decades since. For most of that time I’d been consulting psychiatrists who prescribed me medication, but nothing worked. I was no longer myself, and the pills made me groggy, befuddled, and I put on 20 kilos. I tried to diet, I lost some weight, but I didn’t feel great for too long. I felt sick both in my head and my body. The thing that kept me going was the support from my family and friends – they were always present, and we shed many tears together.
The grief had got hold of me and I just didn’t realise it until someone showed me – I met a man, we cried together, I found a glimpse of happiness again.
He cared for me, he loved me, he supported me, but I felt so guilty for finding this happiness. I just didn’t feel like I had the right to be happy anymore. Everyone around kept telling me how I shouldn’t think like that and that I should start living my life again. It was time. I had this wonderful man in my life now, and I needed to build my life again. They were right, he was incredible. Even when I gained a lot of weight again, he never mentioned it – he just loved me unconditionally.
But I couldn’t move past everything in my mind. I had to do something about my weight. My doctor recommended that I see a nutritionist called Professor B. I am so glad I did – he listened to me as I told my story, being kind as I sobbed through it. As I finished telling him my story, he sat back and told me that trying to keep dieting might not do anything. Ultimately, I now knew what I could eat and what I shouldn’t. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was in my mind. He advised me to see Delphine – a specialist who practiced Tipi emotional regulation.
I had never heard of it before but I wanted to try it. My partner accompanied me to my first session in January 2018.
It wasn’t easy. I cried a lot. Delphine asked me to tell her about a recent situation where I had felt grief. As I spoke, she asked me to close my eyes and pay attention to how sensations felt through my body. As I talked about my late husband, my life flashing in front of me like a film, tears streamed down my face. My palms were sweaty, my throat was tight, and I had a knot in my stomach. I made sure I was feeling each of these sensations and let them pass. When I opened my eyes, she asked how I was doing before we went through the process again. This time I cried less, felt less pain, the tightness in my throat loosened, and the knot in my stomach started to fade away. I let it evolve and keep disappearing.
I opened my eyes. Delphine asked me how I felt. I felt better!
Then we repeated the process a third time. I was calm, there was no more crying, my hands were dry, the tightness had gone, the knot has unwound. I felt nothing painful. I couldn’t believe it. My partner told me that I should believe in what I felt and go back for another session the following week. I did, and you know what? I’m so glad I did. Now, whenever I think of my husband, rather than grieving, I enjoy the good things we went through together. The picture of him in my bedroom doesn’t dominate my emotions negatively anymore. I feel good.
Thank you Professor B., Delphine and Tipi.